BY DECEMBER NOEL
Friends with benefits, just another one of those taboos
Very simply put, Friends with benefits (FWB) is embarking on a casual, no-strings-attached sexual relationship. It’s really meant for those who don’t desire to have a “real relationship” that leads to all that long term complications that the conventional relationship has. You know; marriage, babies, building a life together, all that real life stuff, and less of that real fun stuff.
It’s really a straightforward idea, you pick someone you can trust hook up with, please each other, and I mean really please each other, and then go on with your life. Only difference with this type of relationship and that of one night stand, is that it’s always the same person, fantastic right? You get to enjoy the fruits without ever having to commit, imagine it is like a multiple one night stands with the same person, and since you’re not committed to each other technically should either of you want to date another person, you can. It’s really meant to be stress free.
Though in Tanzanian society FWB is a taboo, no one would openly admit that they take part on such liberal free spirited relationship that does not have any of the elements of a “functional relationship” conventional relationship, but I know as well as most people reading this that just because one does not speak of it, does not mean that there are not men and women out there trying this out this very moment.
The Tanzanian Society has always been one that preferred to keep on the down low, because calling things by their names is all too shocking, it is better said behind a veil under the protection of the idea that what we say in this circle won’t leak. But there are those who find that “when I get that feeling I need sexual healing” – to just take away the stress of the world, only problem is; they can’t share such juicy details for fear of being judged.
It has been my experience that more people are coming out about having a FWB, and the stories are crazy; from young women claiming that the guy she’s hooking up with is “phenomenal” in bed but unfortunately off of the bed he was acting like he was her boyfriend by freaking out when she does not pick up the phone and that’s why they had to cut him loose, which is strange since most men claim women are the emotional ones. Then again speaking to guys who say how they have a problem with the girls they have a FWB relationship trying to ruin other possible real relationships, which makes me think about the time I and a friend of mine’s FWB had me followed and had people I know come up to me to “remind” me that he with her. It was funny looking back on it, funny she forgot to remind him that he was hers.
So though the sex maybe be “Phenomenal”, knee buckling, toe curling phenomenally orgasmic, the complications that comes with FWB relationship makes it just as real as a “real relationship” because drama in this type of relationship can become scary and moves at extremely high-speed. Because just like in the movie Friends with benefits starring Mr. Sexy himself Justin Timberlake and FHM’s sexiest women 2013 Mila Kunis, one FWB Always falls in love with their partner in indulgence, leading to females burning other female’s cat in the middle of the night, then hanging the cat at the door with a note saying “he is mine” acting like psychos, or better yet you get men who then get really drunk, and start crying about how you’re trying to make them jealous and that they love you! Making you seem like a heartless female when the lies throughout history have always said we women are care givers, not truth givers, and definitely not emotionless. Basically the result can be catastrophic, and I mean aliens invading the earth with alien weaponry, the type of things horror movies are made off, you know a horror movie is not complete without some bloodshed.
But never fear, if you wanted to embark on the best friends with benefit relationship ever, less complicated than finding x on a math quiz all you have to do is know that there are rules, just like the rule of a conventional relationship could be things like – no cheating, this relationship we are having needs to lead to something, be committed and all the other boring stuff. Having a friend with benefits has rules; avoiding breaking the rules will keep the fun going for longer.
1. Pick someone you wouldn’t normally date
2. Think twice about hooking up with your neighbor
3. Don’t convince yourself the relationship is more serious than it is
4. Don’t encourage friends and family to hang out with you FWB
5. Don’t spend the night; don’t make breakfast at your FWB’s place. Don’t kiss your FWB goodbye. Don’t text your FWB for any reason other than sex. Don’t get mad when your FWB is on a date
6. Use a condom and a secondary form of birth control, DO keep it simple, Do keep it light, Do talk about your sexual preferences, Do date other people.
7. Know that one way or another this relationship is going to end, so try and be a good sport and end it on a good foot.
With all these rules it’s not 100% you won’t fall in love with your FWB, but like rule number 7 says this is a temporary thing, or at best an on and off thing every few years when you’re in the same city, but it’s not a real relationship FWB is not meant to be forever. Up side you can date other people, but the point of a FWB is to get sexy time with, so you don’t need to sleep with every other person you date too, lest you’re ready to end it with your FWB. Because well to be honest, people the not so fun parts of life are real; HIV/Aids is for free, I mean this stuff is more free than free condoms at a family planning clinic because there is an STD for ever letter of the alphabet, and it won’t hesitate to spend a life time with you!
At the end of the day if you’re IN LOVE WITH BEING IN LOVE this type of relationship is not for you. But if you can stomach your sexy time friend dating other people and then sleeping with you, then it works out pretty well.