The Humble Beginning
Proud Wives is a married women association established on 17/08/2018 through the WhatsApp group social network. The group was established for the restoration and revolution of women’s thoughts about marriage. There is a saying that says, “When you educate a woman, you educate the whole society”.
It is known that marriage is for both men and women but Proud Wives found that women are the victims in marriage, suffering from Marriage madness which is mainly caused by what a woman is told or heard about marriage before getting into the marriage. So many negative are heard or told to women about men in marriages that make them unable to be proud of their marriage.
The marriage turned to be a point of reference when talking about bad luck, depression, heart attack, stress, economic backwardness, Orphans and street children, and many other things related to sadness.
This association is mainly operated through Telegram social network now, after exceeding the What’s App group members number.
There is a timetable for lessons which are taking place on Monday to Saturday, and Sunday is for testimonies.
Proud Wives joins members from different regions of Tanzania, it has members from more than 10 regions of Tanzania and some from outside the African Continent. There are more than 200 active members.
Apart from telegram group members are joined together through seminars and meetings. There are 2 seminars and One Dinner Outing with husbands done already at Dar es Salaam Region, members are welcomed from all regions to participate.
Proud Wives strongly believe that having a better marriage is having a better family hence the better nation led to a better generation. Marriage is a bridge of family. Marriage is a source of everything, spreading negativity about marriage is destroying the nation.
Everyone Deserves Happiness
Proud Wives is for making each and every married woman be proud of her marriage by looking at the positive side of marriage that is unspoken. Proud Wives need to see a married woman take troubles and turn them into happiness and that is what qualifies a wife to become proud instead of creating troubles and spreading troubles.
It doesn’t mean a wife in the marriage is for only taking troubles and turning them into happiness, Proud Wives’ desire is not to see any married woman leave her marriage because of any challenge or problem she encounters. For Proud Wives, becoming proud is not only by the good things that are found in marriage but also is for the bad things that are found in a marriage that are understood, solved, changed, or transformed and let a married woman rise and shine above all the bad things.
Proud Wives believes that the growth of marriage is the effort of both husband and wife but Proud Wives is for reminding and building capacity to a wife on how to be proud of her marriage.
A wife is reminded the duties and responsibilities, contributions and impacts of her presence in marriage as some of wives enters in the marriage without knowing these.
Proud Wives is for placing a wife at the fore front of changes and developments as far as marriage is concerned.
Key Milestones
Since the establishment of Proud Wives members agree that there are big impacts on their marriage life, Some of them said they get rid of hatred, angry and marriage conflicts caused by negative thoughts they had on their husbands.
Before joining Proud Wives some members had negative thoughts upon their husbands especially on trust because of the way society is talking about men that, “Men are not faithful”.
Because of that wives don’t trust their husbands no confidence to themselves, wives focus is to find out who, where and when their husbands started cheating or thinking of when they will be cheated, all these cause lack of harmony, peace and cause other harm in marriages.
“My husband and I are separated by works, we are both employees living in different regions, every time we meet the first thing to do was to go through my husband mobile phone to see who he has been chatting with, because I didn’t trust him as we are far from each other, I was able to find out he was flirting with a student from University located at the region he lives. So I concluded that what is said about men is true, since that day we ended up being in conflicts. But after joining Proud Wives, I learned that there are three things I did not do to my husband in spite of the fact that we live far from each other, I did not have time of intimacy communication with him, I thought such communications were for couples who live together, I came to understand that we women are so potential when it comes to communication than men, my husband and I lacked the bond because of kind of communication we had, I didn’t have time to ask him what he has been through and his plans rather than questioning him on who I found out on his mobile phone when we meet. I realized I was so wrong and concluded things that I have not witnessed to my husband, I decided to change after joining Proud Wives”. Said one Proud Wives Member.
Proud Wives taught them that trust is very important pillar in marriage so wives learned to trust their husbands to focus and cherish other things that are done by their husbands, marriage life has so many things to look at and find happiness in them as well as in the presence of each other instead of suspecting each other.
On the other hand Proud Wives has successful solved marriage conflicts and restore married couples from separation and divorce.
Some members decided to separate. Some separated within their household by stop sharing bed, members testified that husband or wife could sleep on the bed while one of them could go to children, sitting or visitors room or they share a room when one of them sleep on the bed and the other on the floor. This seems to happen when there is a conflict between husband and wife.
“I went to my parents’ home when my husband started coming back home at late night drunk and insulting me, I decided to walk away expecting that he will come to pick me at my parents’ home, he did not come to ask me back home and I told my parents everything my husband has been doing to me then they stopped me from going back to our house. I stayed at my parents home for more than 4 months, I real wanted to go back to my husband, When I heard about Proud Wives I joined when I was in separation, I learned where I went wrong and I was told to call my husband and ask for a room to talk to resolve our conflicts, It wasn’t easy to get back to my husband but I was successful managed to talk to my husband and my parents, I am now back at my marriage”. Said Fau.
Proud Wives are taught well not to let this happen, it’s good to resolve conflict even if it may not be successful resolved at one day, wives shouldn’t get tired to try again and again until the conflicts are resolved but not allowing any kind of separation, there are lessons taught to Proud Wives about how to communicate with their husbands during conflict and resolve. After working on the lessons there are so many testimonies on how couples get back together and find that separation has led to big problems that they won’t provide any room of separation.
For those who were in the process of taking divorce have stopped proceeding by knowing that whatever led them into deciding taking divorce can be solved, and it was found the major problem was communication, being in Proud Wives helped some members know that there are other married couple going through the same situation but not led them into thinking of divorce, so they learn from others how they use communication to solve marriage conflict in peaceful way.
“I asked my husband to divorce me because his mother didn’t love me and my husband allowed his mother to control our marriage something that ended us in conflicts several times, Proud Wives taught me that divorcing is not a solution, I had to accept my mother in law rejection but not doing the same to her rather than loving, caring and welcoming her and remain quite whenever she raised anything destructive. I also learned that my husband is affected by the kind of raise and upbringing he got from his mother so I had to accept and help him to take decision on his own instead of blaming ” Said Proud Wives member.
This is a major achievement as Proud Wives desire is to see no marriage is broken if not for God purpose.
There is reduce of Domestic Violence such as husband biting wife, there are so many platforms advocating for this kind of violence where by other platforms do advice wives to move out of their marriage as this is one of intolerable violence, this is handled different by Proud Wives, wives are taught to understand a biting husband and not to welcome biting environment, there are cases reported of husbands biting their wives, after monitoring and evaluation it was found some of the wives are sources of husbands biting wives because of communication. “After joining Proud Wives, I knew my husband is aggressive and I don’t keep quit when he talks that’s a reason I ended up being beaten, Proud Wives makes me aware that calmness help my husband not to find a reason of beating me.” Said one Proud Wives member.
Now wives know how to communicate with their husbands, not only during conflicts but also in harmony period as it was testified that not all wives are beaten when there is conflicts.
Wives are now enjoying their husbands who were once biting them and felt that they are not loved, wives understand why they were beaten and some helping their husbands into stop biting them by understanding that their husbands are so aggressive so they lack self-control when their heads are up to something very stressful and not find calmness to their wives.
Proud Wives helped in solving challenges or problems, up growing and sustain marriage economy.
Wives are taught the importance of engaging themselves in economic activities to offer help to their husbands and live their dream life. It is well known when the economy is poor marriage becomes bitter.
Wives are taught that some husbands are not only responsible to their marriage but also responsible to their parent’s family. Some husbands are not providing for their wives and children only, they provide for everyone in the family and even the family of their wives.
“I hated my husband when he told me he will be paying children school fees and providing food only but I have to buy clothes for them, I thought he has a side chick so he spends his money there, I didn’t know his salary scale and we never had a financial plan, I was blaming him and decided to find another man who can provide for my needs, after joining Proud Wives, I learned that I never talked to my husband about financial management, I felt so bad knowing my husband salary and the expenditure he had for his family, he is the eldest son of his family and the only employed so whatever he earns the family depend on it as well, I realized that if we had a talk at the beginning I could understand and find a way of offering help without affecting our marriage life, but I thank God, we have joined our salaries and prioritized our expenses and we are enjoying our life now” Said one member.
Both husband and wife have to cooperate in financial management.
Wives who were note engaged in any economic activities started to engage themselves and become productive in their marriage without crossing the boundaries of intruding husband roles to avoid conflicts.
Wives became very understanding on their husband’s income that make them have good expenditure by understanding their husband’s salary or wages ranks and the responsibilities ahead as well as let wives income have contribution in marriage.
Wives learned to have financial plan on budgeting for savings, expenditure and how to prioritize so as to reduce unnecessary expenditures.
Wives learned to handle, solve, understand, calm when their husbands undergo economic difficulties as it is seen as a major reason for marital conflict.
“Whenever I find out my husband is not well financially, I use stuff that are within our ability, I use Charcoal to cook instead of Gas, we learned this at Proud Wives, there is no harm in adjusting, when things get back to normal life goes on”. Said Kisa Mwakyamanda
Moreover, there is an increase of entertainment in marriage because of having cooking and general cleanness lessons in Proud Wives timetable.
There are feedbacks from proud wives that before joining they didn’t know how to cook some foods.
They have seen the importance of knowing to cook different types of foods that made them become closer to their husbands or the entire family.
Some of them said that, because having a busy day at working place and returning home late, made them not able to prepare a meal for the family thinking that they are very late before joining Proud Wives, after joining even if they are getting home late they can still get time to cook for their family, simple and enjoyable meals that take few minutes.
There are husbands who like their meal to be cooked by their wives, this made some of the wives before joining Proud Wives see that marriage is full of bitterness because of being tired after getting home late, now they enjoy cooking for their husbands.
Wives learned the importance of eating together with their husbands and children as it is strengthening family bonds even if it is once per week.
Proud Wives remind the wives to take their husbands out and surprise them instead of waiting for their husbands to do for them.
Also, wives learned to work on appearance, both home environment and body appearance, all these are seen to affect married couple relationship.
Wives learned to maintain and sustain their beauty and their husband’s appearance as well as to make their home environment or surroundings attractive.
Some wives testified that their husbands started to come back home early because of changes in appearance.
“My husband could wake up and go to walk while I am still sleeping, I wasn’t not taking trouble into looking whether he dressed well or not, he has not even seen me dressing well as when he gets back home will find me asleep, I wasn’t even waiting to have a meal together with him, but Proud Wives helped me and my husband is confessing that I am changed and he enjoys what I am doing now, he comes back home early we have quality time”. Said Mgore Proud Wives member
Additionally, there is positive feedback about children’s upbringing whereby many members agree that they were not aware of so many things on how to raise and take care of a child or children.
The major achievement is on how to rise and upbringing the housemaids especially those who are below 18 years old.
Value beyond Networking
Proud Wives is planning to reach each and every region that it has members. Proud Wives would like to reach all married women who are tired, separated, and divorced so as to get back to their marriage to become proud of their marriage.
Proud Wives is planning to have big events, couple events that will be conducted to show the appreciation that being in a marriage is good and enjoyable.
Proud Wives wants to eradicate all marriage negativity and spread positivity so as to let those who are not yet married get prepared in a positive way.
Proud Wives is in the registration process now to become a legal association to be able to conduct its activities legally and freely.
Be One of Us
Proud Wives accept Religious marriage both Islamic and Christian marriage and government marriages.
To join Proud Wives you need to have a marriage certificate on one of the types of marriage given above, an entrance fee, and being able to pay a monthly fee. For more information on joining Proud Wives kindly visit Proud Wives Instagram page @proud_wives, email proudwives2018@gmail.com or call/What’s App to Proud Wives Public Relation Personnel Mrs. Lilian Mdoe 0715191844/0765089738.
You can also be one of us by supporting us in our initiatives. For now Proud Wives has no physical office and we use our personal contributions to finance our events. Proud wives call for anyone who is interested in sponsoring or partnership. Lastly, we kindly request husbands to allow their wives to join Proud Wives. We strongly believe that you will thank us later.